It's a Fitness Miracle!!

 เฮลโล Hello!

Interesting week. Sit back, grab some popcorn, make sure to eat it with only one hand so you can use the other one to scroll without getting your screen all oily, and enjoy a week in the life of Elder Barrett.

ONE MAN'S TRASH

Is another man's treasure. That man's name is me. We were coming home late one night and we saw something odd by the dumpster of our apartment. Could it be...? No, it couldn't. Unless...? It IS! A treadmill! We had to get a better look. So, we carried that bad boy inside our apartment to conduct some experiments. We moved the blanket we've been using as a rug off to the side and set down this giant piece of machinery. We plugged it in and saw it light up, for just a second. It was a literal flicker of hope. But beyond that, we couldn't get it running (pun intended). We noticed a little spot for a magnetic key. So, we looked all over the house to find a key to unlock this treasure. Nothing. When we thought all hope was lost, we decided to stop looking outward for the solution, and start looking inward. I looked down at myself and noticed the magnetic nametag that was clipped onto my chest. And in hindsight it was obvious. But it's ok, because better late than never. It's like how God showed the Jaredites how to make the barges, and then they just had one missing piece. They said well now what? And God said I was going to ask you the same question. I'm not saying that I'm the Brother of Jared. But when it comes to treadmill-related miracles, I'm pretty much the Brother of Jared. So to make a long story short, we now have a working treadmill in our apartment. Daily runs are back!

THE X IN BMX IS FOR X-TREME

Let me describe my bike to you. It's an old, hand-me-down mountain bike with two functioning gears (never stray from 4 and 6), a mud guard that drags on the front tire, and two brakes: one that barely works and another that doesn't work at all. Perfect for riding down steep, windy, busy roads, right? Well, I was going to put it to the test. We had an appointment, and we were going to be on time, come what may. We start heading down. I pick up speed as we approach the first turn. I calmly grip both brakes to try to slow my acceleration. I quickly realize that these brakes are NOT going to be helpful. I turn the corner successfully. No cars. I made a realization. When you're going fast, making sharp turns becomes less and less of an option. So when I turned a corner, I tended to fly into the middle of the road. Squeezing my brakes and digging my shoes into the road were not going to save me at this point. I'm really picking up speed now. Faster. Faster. I'm just zooming. I'm pretty sure I was time traveling at some point. As I turn the last corner, reaching maximum velocity, a car comes up on the other side of the road, as they tend to do. I fly into the middle of the road. I'm looking right into the eyes of the driver of the car. Trying to communicate through eye contact that I'm not an adrenaline junkie trying to cheat death, I'm just your average everyday idiot. I turn out of his way with a few yards to spare and I was out of the woods. I dug my feet into the pavement and I slowed myself down just enough to make the turn onto the main road and we were finally safe and on our way to our appointment. MORAL OF THE STORY: Don't be a goon, find a detour.

LAST THINGS LAST

- I was hit in the face by a stray bottle of Sunny D.

- It's time to double-sock it.

- Shoutout to my Uncle John, who was the artist of the painting on top of last week's section of Come Follow Me!

- No matter what past Calvin told you, present Calvin loves you.

เอ็ลเดอร์ จมูกช้ำ (Elder bruised nose)

Elder Barrett